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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 7th, 2023

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  • I understand you’re coming from a good place and I appreciate that but it seems I might’ve given the wrong impression, so let me clarify as a wrap up to this thread.

    I am employed full time, making decent amount of money as far as the average pay in the country is concerned. Work conditions are decent.

    I do have a place to rent but it goes up in price every year with no justifications and no work being done to correct or address a lot of the issues it exhibits, including but not limited to the ever growing heat problem (much hotter indoors), electrical issues, bathroom mold and deteriorating cracks in the walls/stairs to name a few. Fighting this is futile or lengthy and costly, something my wallet and my mental state cannot afford. The alternative is either let it be or move to a different place, similar circumstances or slightly improved, but with a much higher cost associated.

    I also exercise every other day and while it definitely has its merits, it’s also rough to convince myself to do it every time. I think I missed a total of 4 days of exercise so far this year. Discipline wise, I feel that’s alright.

    I agree that the shrink is not a one-doc-fits-all and it’s important to find the one that resonates with you, I also feel bouncing off ideas from people outside of your comfort zone is important as it provides a wider perspective on things which you may not have considered otherwise.

    While he did not do much, he did confirm the diagnosis of a severe depression and has helped enough for me to conclude that I’m not insane, and similar to millions of others, just a victim of circumstances and consequences of social and economic policies that push this burning bus downhill ever faster.

    Most of the items I experience are not a matter of perspective, it’s a matter of fact, global warming, unaffordability of housing, stagnant wages, anti consumer practices just to name a few

    Ultimately, my point is that I don’t want to mitigate the pain, I want to not have to deal with it in the first place.

    Just because I can keep fighting and reassemble the pieces again and again, doesn’t mean I want to. Repairing the cracks doesn’t make you stronger no matter what people say, the glue only helps so much and there is always a toll paid when reassembling broken stuff. I understand when people want to compare it to the Japanese art of repairing stuff with gold but it’s never that nice, you don’t come out stronger in the end, you come out assembled in whatever configuration allows you to survive and with less energy for the next run, but with more disdain for having to do it again.

    And again.

    And again after that.

    To summarize: I’m just tired.