Google did some creative rewriting and killed half the joke. It actually says something like: “If you need mom[,] feed yourself you must. Covering! Thank you!”

The original spanglish also has a spelling and grammar mistake: cubieta -> ‘cubierta’ (fem. part. form of “cubrirse”) which doesn’t fit at all here.

Nice to know there’s an actual justifiable use case for what I am describing!

My knowledge is a little dated and I remember messing around dyndns or noip to update my IP many years ago. I guess a simple script running on the router or the host should suffice?