Exactly… if it is not a “disorder” in your daily functioning it doesn’t meet diagnostic criteria
If you don’t think autism is a disability I question your diagnosis accuracy. Regardless of how you feel about that, kindly do not tell people it’s not a disability. I have work accommodations, living accommodations, insurance conditions, and a service dog, none of which I’d have without my diagnosed disability
I have a playlist actually, I’ll reply to my own comment here with the Spotify link tomorrow
I don’t think it’s a healthy way to think. I also think that if you feel very tribalistic about something that you are choosing to identify with yourself in the absence of any professional help, you might want to look into professional help options, because it’s a demonstration that you cannot be impartial to yourself (no one can)
If your mother is accepting that you think you’re autistic, I highly recommend seeking diagnostic screening with her support while you’re still under 18 (harder to find for adults). This opens the door to help such as Occupational Therapy, which was a game-changer for me. Your mom might not have the answers to what you’re wanting help with - an OT is a professional who can help autistic people function day to day.
Next steps in research I think would be a deep dive into your childhood behaviors, embrace-autism.org articles, and start looking around your local area to find out if there are neuropsychologists who will screen adults for diagnostic testing and if they take insurance
High friction surfaces essentially
I struggle with the same thing and what helps me is having tools that I can use to be “alone-ish” Sunglasses, noise cancelling headphones, or physically going to sit somewhere alone like on the floor. Helps me calm down faster. I wish I had some secret to calm myself and just keep going but I’ve tried a lot of things and it always takes time. Another method to reduce my meltdown duration is EARLY WARNING. Once I realize it’s coming I can use havening techniques or take a break. My service dog alerts me to this too and he can use deep pressure therapy to calm me down