Also when it it’s completely ignored.

Probably something like the snail learned to find food in a certain place, then they were able to make it forget such that it would search randomly instead of going to the place it had learned.

The values of managers and business / capitalism. A manager should ideally be primarily focused on creating the conditions that allow their team to do their best work, but many people who get into management and I’m guessing most people at the executive level are people interested in power, influence, and control. Not being able to surveil their underlings takes away from that control. Managers also tend to be the types of types of people naturally suited to modern work culture - extroverts, workaholics, people who’s lives revolve around the careers. The kind of people who like being in the office. Then there is the capitalistic notion of infinite growth, improvement, and never ending increases in productivity, such that managers are pushed to squeeze their employees for every drop of their time, energy, and attention. Productivity gets defined by easy quantitative metrics like hours spent sitting still at a desk focused directly on work tasks, rather than ever being linked to things like a sustainable pace of work or work life balance or employees not living their lives with a constant feeling of dread and anxiety in their guts. Don’t expect managers to push for employee autonomy in forms like remote work when managers have been playing the game by a specific set of rules and motivations that have nothing to do with human quality of life.

I did a purge every few years and started a new account to prevent too much personal information in one place, but it was well over 10 years across all of the accounts.

I’ve seen this referred to as “skill regression” and can definitely be part of the process of unmasking. It’s like your whole life you’ve been told that you shouldn’t be bothered by the things that bother you and shouldn’t struggle with the things you struggle with. This makes you learn to not trust your own experience or express your needs. You start to assume that what you’re experiencing is what everyone experiences and you just shove all of your discomfort and meltdowns and shutdowns and exhaustion down as best you can, sometimes to the point where you stop being able to notice things like discomfort in your body. When you finally realize what’s going on and start exploring your own experience, it can be overwhelming. You notice all of the small things that affect you and drain you and that are hard for you. It’s really hard to navigate this process, especially if you don’t have access to a therapist to work through these things with. I think this is much, much more common than people just artificially making up autistic traits they have once they get diagnosed or otherwise realize they have ASD.

For me, it’s been best to find other people who are looking to make friends rather than jumping into other people’s friendships. It’s tempting to see people who already have friends or friend groups or who look like they’re having fun or doing interesting things and want to just slide into their group. For me, this always results in me feeling like I have to impress people socially, like no one has time for me (because they all already have full social lives) and like I’m forever an outsider (if the group have known one another for a long time). It’s also tempting to avoid people who seem alone or like they’re looking to make friends - like you’re suddenly transported back to grade school and don’t want to get lumped in with the social rejects (even though now you know the ‘nerds and weirdos’ who found one another in those times were having probably having a better time together than the dramatic popular crowd). I’ve noticed the quality of relationships I form with other people who are actually looking to meet new people is much better than when I try to fit into an established social group. I think it’s a really good option for ND people to meet at meet ups, book clubs, drop-in game nights, or other organized events where you could encounter strangers who might be looking for friends, have a reason to talk to them, and feel them out for whatever ND vibes would match or compliment your own.

I somewhere along the way I came to identify as a ‘music scene’ person and do genuinely like live music during the part where the music envelopes me and makes it impossible to perceive the “noisy bar” surroundings. I’ve also always used substances as coping mechanisms - constantly drinking, immediately running out for cigarettes between sets to avoid awkward, unintelligible conversation. Now that I’ve learned how my brain works, I’ve started the “unmasking process” and am realizing that I actually feel so mentally exhausted after a night out at a bar and so drained by hanging out with drunk people who make no sense to me. I started not drinking and asking myself during and after events: am I having fun if I separate my experience from the way people around me seem to feel? Is this something I’m genuinely enjoying on the whole? I haven’t been back to a bar since and am still trying to figure out how to go enjoy live music without needing to drink or being overwhelmed by the social / sensory surroundings in between sets.