I need help. I’m completely socially isolated and inept. I have been for the majority of my life. I’m in my late 20s now and I’ve never had a friend, or any kind of relationship. I feel I’m too depressed to begin extraciting myself from this deep chasm I’ve drifted into now. I work as much as I can, never turning down a shift, but if I’m not at work I sleep or lay on the floor at home, crippled. No energy or motivation to do anything, even eat. Work is my only chance to socialise. I’m grateful my coworkers are nice to me, and they’re the only good thing in my life. I’m far more attached to them than they are to me. They’re not friends. They just put up with me.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve sold all my possessions of any value, and I’m ready to go. I’ve already attempted suicide and ended up in the psych ward before. I don’t know how to form relationships. I’m too fucked up. I want friends, but what do friends do? How do you know if someone’s your friend? I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t know how to be with others. I’m past the physical symptoms of social anxiety. I used to shake, sweat profusely, stammer, feel like my clothes were choking me, etc., but now I’m just numb all the time. My mind still goes blank when I attempt to converse though.
I’m miserable and repulsive. I know that. No one wants to be around people like me, but I can’t fix this alone. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m too ashamed. I can’t face people.
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How many clinical therapy sessions have you had recently? You need to start working with someone who’s job it is to listen to you and help with solutions.
I used to be in your spot, and I don’t give a fuck what others think; the internet is not qualified to be your therapist, and I had to learn this the hard way.
Am Op. Lost credentials for the other account. Responding to old post but idk.
People say “see a therapist”. I had. For nearly a year. And then I was seeing a psychiatrist too. It doesn’t matter. If they’re good at their job or not, it still doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you leave their office the exact same person you were when you went in. It’s all a huge waste of time. And money. Psychology is a scam. Medications are useless trash.
Some people are born broken, others are broken in their formative years. You can’t fix it. You can be patched up, but “normal” people see that a mile away and avoid you. Similar broken people may hang around, but they do that only because other people have already rejected them.
Life’s retarded if you’re not configured to be blissfully unaware of literally everything. When you can’t feel normal, or happy ever, what’s the point?
Quit my job. Plan on doing some travels before kms. If miserable people go those that are left would be better off.
What’s your suicide plan, if you don’t mind me asking?
Carbon monoxide poisoning with sleeping pills to get to and stay asleep.
Over the counter melatonin is not sleeping pills; you are going to have a bad time.
Where do you plan to travel? Any specific interesting place?
Oh, the assumption of no pre-thought is amusing. I have a large supply of prescription only medications. I know it works, because it’s been knocking me out for the past year.
You don’t even need a sleeping aid. The monoxide will do that for you.
All places are interesting. Start off in china, vietnam, japan, singapore, wherever. This part is the one with no foundation. It doesn’t have to. Go wherever I’m allowed to on my passport. Move on before I overstay.
Instead of killing yourself, I recommend leaving behind something to prevent future kids to have what happened to you; by contributing back to society as your legacy; by enlisting into the military.
It will get you killed if you select a dangerous assignment, you travel the world on Uncle Sam’s dime, and the government will insure your death for half a million to anyone you put in your life insurance docs.
Its never too late to improve and overcome things. I never had many and slowly bled them away myself. I think its from my insecure attachment style from my lovely childhood. If you can figure out yourself thatd be good. Idk how to have friends either. I think the modern world doesnt support it very muxh. I feel like im trying to have them or something. Id talk to you more and try to be your friend. Its not easy for a lot of us but try not to worry about it too much either. Im 30 and ONLY have my SO to talk to. And now theyre close to another friend of theirs. Life is lonely. But dont give up please. I dont want anyone to feel this way.
I don’t really want to talk to people. I don’t know what to do with them. They make me uncomfortable. I make them uncomfortable. Just go. I’ve never met someone I “mesh” with.
You need professional help my friend. A big aspect of learning to socialize is developing a sense of self, and improving your own self esteem. You gotta become your own friend first, and learn to treat yourself well instead of abusing yourself if you want to be able to form healthy relationships with others. I suggest seeking out a therapist first and foremost.
This is very good advice! Well put
You gotta find a therapist and start working hard at finding productive changes to make in life, only way out of the hole is to get some help and start learning how to climb ❤️ I’m rooting for you
Sounds good, but it’s complete nonsense.
You can think it nonsense if you’d like, but its literally how I pulled myself out of my hole. I used to have such severe social anxiety I couldn’t walk down my stairs to feed myself in my own home because downstairs was shared space with my dad and his wife. These days I go out to an event with like 70ish people every Monday, and give a hug to pretty much everone I meet or interact with. I repeatedly talked to my neighbor when he played his music too loud, even though he was super shitty about it all the time. I just had my first job interview (a major hurdle for me) in the past month. And social anxiety isn’t the only issue where I’ve dug my way out. You can doom and gloom yourself deeper into the hole, or you can work on accepting how hard mental illness is to deal with until you get to a point where youre ready to try and do something about it. Acceptance comes first, but change is definitely possible, just really fucking hard.
I still have progress to make myself, and spent a long time in a place of complete dysfunction and distress, but that state isn’t intrinsically permanent.
as others already suggested i think therapy is probably very helpful. but ill try to give another input. do you have any chance to engage in something social? like family functions or some coworkers party you would be invited to? maybe it could be nice to go. it doesnt need to be a big commitment. you can leave early i f you feel bad. but in my experiences this is the first step one can do. and ofc you wont become friends with people there instantly. but the more you are around people, the more those people will like you, in my experience. i was able to make a friend from just beeing at some queer meet ups were that person happened to be aswell. that leads me to the second tip i have, maybe you could find community in hobbys or the like. i find it hard to meet up in real life but shareing my drawings and connect with other beginner artists online was really fun for me. i am not even good. but it doesnt matter ^^ thats why i like reddit/lemmy and the like. i can find a community i find intersting and participate. and after some while i start to recognize the usernames.
i wish you all the best. i absolutly know how hopeless things can seem especially after such a long time. i was once in a similar spot. to you. but even now things can still turn around. there are so many people out there, a bunch of them would love to have you there and eventually to be your friend. the biggest border i had was makeing myself aviable for others, by beeing in public at events or in communitys.
My whole live I’ve been ignored. No one wants me around. It’s delussional to think otherwise at this point. I know people will cling to ‘hope’ (more accurately described as a dellusion), but it’s expensive, and at the end of the day it’s not real. This isn’t a disease you recover from. It’s a flaw in your personality. An unadvantagouse evolutionry shuffle. Better to not drag it out. Things don’t get better.